My 10-Point Republican Purity Test

This week, the Republican Party continued its slash-and-burn campaign against the left and center by putting forth a resolution that is designed to check the “purity” of Republican candidates.   It’s pretty simple – meet at least 8 of the 10 points in the resolution and you get to call yourself a bona fide, guns a’blazin, tobacco spittin’ genuine Republican.  Fail to meet at least 8 points and you can kiss that R next to your name good bye.

Now, some of the points in their “test” do make some sense regardless of which side you are on; such as “Containment of Iran and North Korea, particularly effective action to eliminate their nuclear weapons threat“.

But as expected, most others are designed to essentially purge anyone in the middle and leave only those on the far right.  Opposition to cap and trade, abortion, and gay marriage.   Support of troop surges in Iraq and Afghanistan as the only path to victory in both wars.  Renunciation of “Obama-style government run health care”.

Essentially, you need to believe that people should have easier access to an AK-47 than to affordable health care.

Personally, I am quite delighted with this resolution as I believe it will push some decent moderate Republicans out of the party paving the way for the coronation of Sarah Palin as Queen of the Wingnuts.

I am so delighted, that I decided to come up with my own 10-point Republican purity test that I believe more accurately determines if someone is a true Republican in 2009.   So here it is:

1.  You believe it is fine to spend trillions of dollars on a useless war in Iraq, but it is disastrous to spend billions of dollars on fixing our own infrastructure to create jobs.

2.  You believe that global warming is a myth because it was not foretold in the Book of Revelation.

3.  You believe that it is not OK to pass enormous deficits on to our grandchildren, but it IS OK to puff cigarette smoke in their faces.

4.  You believe that any proposal coming from a Democrat is automatically socialist no matter what it is and will result in Adolf Hitler rising from the grave and taking over America.

5.  You like YOUR government run health care so much that you don’t want to share.

6.  You believe leaving the country to cheat on your wife is not an impeachable offense, but doing so in your office is.

7.  You believe Sarah Palin is actually the second coming of Jesus Christ.

8.  You believe in states’ rights, but only for states that oppose gay marriage.

9.  You believe that health care reform will violate Americans personal freedoms, but secret government wiretapping does not.

10.  You believe as a God fearing, pro-life person, that it is perfectly acceptable to kill an animal in cold blood, stuff it, and mount it over your fireplace.

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4 thoughts on “My 10-Point Republican Purity Test

  1. The BookGuy says:

    Hey! I was just browsing your site, I like it.

    1. Good point.
    2. Some believe it’s a myth, others think it’s an overexagerated problem grasped by Liberal Tree huggers as a way to save trees.
    3. Huh? Who thinks that’s okay?
    4. You know, I do seem to remember Liberals calling Bush a Hitler wanna-be too.
    5. That’s a good one. Stings a bit.
    6. Ouch. Though you miss the point, they didn’t try to impeach him for getting his pecker wet, they tried to impeach him for lying under oath, which is a serious crime. Cheating on your wife in another country may not be a crime. It’s douchy for sure, and probably an example of abandonment. But not criminal. Still, if I was in his state I’d definetly want him impeached.
    7. Better than Jesus, Jesus didn’t involve himself in politics.
    9. Good point.
    10. You see, here you’re equating a deer with a human. There’s moral confusion there. Animals are animals, people are people. A pro-lifer killing an animal isn’t even close to hypocracy.

    Cheers. 🙂

  2. Rob says:

    In response to #3, my point there is that Republicans are quite aligned with tobacco companies and have traditionally tried to fight off bans on smoking in public places.

    On #6, I agree that it was about the lying, but even though Sanford was not under oath, he was still lying about his whereabouts to cover up an affair. At least in Clinton’s case, he was still in the Oval Office, so he could have still answered the red phone while getting serviced by Lewinsky. Sanford on the other hand, left the country entirely and wasn’t able to be reached, which I would contend is just as if not more serious.

    On #10, I have to disagree assuming you are not being sarcastic. Killing a deer in cold blood is still an act of taking a life away. While a deer may not be able to talk or order a latte from Starbucks, it is still a living, breathing creature that is far more developed than a human fetus during the time of an abortion. I myself, support the pro-choice movement, though from a personal standpoint, I don’t like abortion. I am sane enough to realize that my own views are not the same as other people, and when it comes to the definition of when life begins, it is more of a personal thing than a scientific one.

  3. The BookGuy says:

    #3. I’ve always been split n this. I don’t smoke, but I also don’t own the public space. I work at a restaurant. The owner is a guy by the name of Mike. He owns the land, the building, the chairs the food. He’s a good guy. I don’t think it’s good to smoke in public, and I’ve left places that had too much smoke. Buy it still gives me the creeps that the Government is allowed to tell mike that he isn’t allowed to smoke on his own property.

    6. Oh, I’m not disagreeing with you. The Clinton impeachment was a travesty. I’m just saying that comparing them isn’t quite fair, as one was attacked for Partisan reasons and then charged with a crime related to covering up a BJ; The other is being attacked by his own party for being a douche and going AWOL without telling people where he was going.

    10. A dear is alive. It’s not a Life. Any suggestion that the two are comparable is rediculous. By that thinking you can charge a person with manslaughter if he hits a rabbit in the road. No, killing an animal is completely different from killing a person. I’d agree with you on wanting to kill animals in a decent and moral way (for example, skinning animals alive), but the issue of killing them is not a moral matter.

    As for abortion, well, suppose someone said:
    “I myself, support the pro-state’s rights Jim Crow movement, though from a personal standpoint, I don’t mind colored folk.”

    *shrugs* I really don’t want to get into an abortion argument, so that’s all I say on it. 😦

  4. Mary says:

    Book Guy:

    Your contention that humans and animals are different is a completely subjective supposition. I would contend (and most I know would agree with me) that humans are animals. (We are certainly not minerals or vegetables now, are we?) People I know who work with various types of animals would tell you things about their intelligence (if indeed that is the issue) that I assure you would surprise you. People who don’t think of killing animals as taking a life are speaking from the realm of their ignorance or their biases, not that of their knowledge. Matters of “morality” vary depending on an individuals “beliefs”. I could never find anything consistent or sensible about “morals,” and it seems to me that people only use the word to argue in favor of their personal religious beliefs.

    And yes, Sanford should be impeached. Not because he went out of the country and cheated on his wife, but because he used public resources to do it. And that goes way above and beyond lying about an affair when you’re backed into a corner by neo-moralists.

    Ah, had to get that off my chest.

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